Zadok Paper S100 Winter 1999
Less Observed Sources of Spirituality in Children
by Glenn Cupit

Personal relationships in the transmission of faith

To appreciate fully the gospel, children require relationships with individuals who treat them as God would. To be understood, God's word has always had to become incarnate. Without that, children can never see how the idea translates into living reality. Let me tell a story.27

A family went on holidays to one of those big old farm-houses way out in the back blocks. In fact, it was so remote that the electricity had never been connected. The house was very old. Every floorboard creaked as they walked, and the walls groaned and snapped as they adjusted to the onset of the evening cool. Even the breeze made the house rattle and whisper. Soon bedtime came for the son, Rusty. He was to sleep in a cot in his parents' room, at the far end of a long dark corridor shadowed by the grotesque shapes of old wardrobes, hat stands and large pots. As Mum carried Rusty to bed, the candle she carried on a saucer cast ominous moving shapes over the walls. When she finished tucking him in, Mum said: "Because it's the first night, Rusty, I'll leave the candle in here till you go to sleep." Just as she bent over to kiss Rusty goodnight, an errant gust of wind blew out the candle. Startled by the sudden dark, Rusty clung to Mum and begged her not to leave him alone. Mum gave him a big hug and gently suggested she should go back to the kitchen and get a box of matches to re-light the candle. Rusty would have none of it. Eventually Mum hit on an idea. "Rusty," she said, "you know Jesus is always with us, don't you?" "Yes, Mum!" whispered Rusty. "Well, what say I go and get the matches and Jesus will stay here with you and look after you." There was a long thoughtful silence before Rusty replied, "Mum, send Jesus for the matches and you stay-because you've got skin."

The gospel is given skin in relationship with people. Through people God appeals to people to be reconciled to him (2 Corinthians 5:20). Paul asks Timothy to remember not only what he has been taught, but "who your teachers were" (2 Timothy 3:14). An important factor in children finding a personal foundation for the gospel, is the quality of personal relationships which children share; in particular, but not exclusively, those with Christians.

The doctrine of the incarnation compels the belief that the work of God's Spirit is accomplished in relationships.

The Word was made flesh,
he lived among us,
and we saw his glory,
the glory that is his as the only Son of the Father,
full of grace and truth . . .
No one has ever seen God;
it is the only Son, who is nearest to the Father's heart,
who has made him known (John 1:14, 18)

When a follower asks, "Lord, let us see the Father and then we shall be satisfied," Jesus answers, "Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? To have seen me is to have seen the Father" (John 14:8-9).

The language of everyday human relationships describes relationship to God who is betrothed,28 bridegroom,29 creditor,30 cuckold,31 divorcee,32 employer,33 enemy,34 friend,35 husband,36 king37 (more familiar in biblical times), master38 (another relationship better understood in earlier times), parent,39 sibling,40 and teacher.41 While no human relationship ever fully exemplifies our relationship to God, they do provide appropriate metaphors. That relationship is understated, but not misstated, by Paul Hogan's line in the film Crocodile Dundee: "God and me-we're mates."

Relationship to God is not defined by analysis of the structure and quality of the listed relationships, either in their current form or in biblical times. Nor can we experientially recapture the relationship as it was apprehended by the writers. How children relate to parents, wives to husbands, teachers to students, betrothed to each other, have changed markedly in the intervening millennia. We no longer have kings of the ilk of those of the Ancient Near East, nor masters who rule slaves. The details of ancient relationships are historical accidents which should not distract us. It is not that Israeli parents were wholly Godlike; nor were the husbands, friends, masters or teachers. However, within these flawed relationships something mirrored what it was like to know God and be known by him. Every king, every parent, every bridegroom, every sibling, demonstrates something Godlike to those in relationship with them. They may have shown much that was evil but they still revealed some image of good that the Spirit could use to say: 'That's what it's like to know God.'

So it is in every sense appropriate to look to contemporary forms of relationship for similar metaphors. God is a mate-like God because there is something Godlike in mateship. God is a working-mother-like God because there is something Godlike in the mother who works. God is even, despite our cynicism, a Prime-Minister-like God because there is something Godlike in the Prime Ministerial role.

There is a difference between knowledge which is 'word', and knowledge which is 'word-become-flesh'. To really know 'God is love', to flesh out its meaning, children must experience human love. To know what God's trustworthiness means, children require relationships with trustworthy humans. Human forgiveness is a prerequisite to really understanding divine forgiveness.42 Maybe only the righteous anger of the betrayed person allows children to see the reality that we describe as the 'wrath of God'.

It is necessary and inevitable that children share relationships which mirror characteristics of the divine relationship.43 To survive childhood, they must have been nurtured, and they will have nurtured others; if only a doll, or a pet. They will have been forgiven and have forgiven. They will have been chosen, and have chosen others.

Christians do not usually balk at recognising human relationships as a powerful source of spiritual influence, though some may quibble at the 'hard case' examples given above. Most books on ministry to children emphasise relationship issues, even if only to advise workers to point children away from themselves and towards Jesus. (Is not Christ in them?) One reason for this acceptance is that most believers identify the influence of other individuals on their spiritual journey: a parent, a Sunday school teacher, an evangelist, a friend, a camp leader, a little old lady. I continue to be surprised by the number of committed Christians who describe an unbeliever as an important help in their growth to faith; and concerned, at the number who identify some Christians as grave hindrances. I should not be surprised: it mirrors my own experience (but not the theology I was taught).

While it is ideal for children to share positive affirmative relationships with persons of genuine and conscious Christian spirituality, there are those at the heart of traditional, free and Pentecostal churches and fellowships, or active in parachurch organisations and missions, who fail to express God's Spirit in relationship, especially to their own family. Equally, there are those who live far beyond the walls of the Christian faith whose relationships are ornamented with the fruit of the God's Spirit.

It is not just in relationship to Christians that God reveals himself but in any human relationship where a child experiences 'what the Spirit brings'. There is genuine love outside the church. There are exhilarating times of joy in the lives of most children, peacemakers who do not acknowledge the Prince of Peace, teachers whose patience is their great asset, acts of kindness; the good Samaritan story is instructive. Integrity is practised. Trustworthiness, gentleness and self-control are not unknown. They may be alloyed, but so they are among Christians.

Relationships form a key area for evil spiritual influences to impact upon children. It is people who hate, who abuse, who ignore, who are cruel, unforgiving and rejecting. Children whose experience of humans, who are made in God's image, is negative and destructive, are not going to find it easy to believe that God wants them to experience life in all its fullness. This is particularly so if the people behaving this way also claim to be followers of his Son.44

We have all observed the spiritual impact of destructive personal relationships. The apostates often attribute rejection of faith to the negative influence of particular church people, just as the converted often point to their positive impact. Christians can't expect children to want to relate to God if they do not find joy and fulfilment relating to those who claim his Spirit. Though the constant biblical warnings about false prophets refer primarily to what they teach, some writers also call attention to the interpersonal behaviour of those who say they speak for God.45 Children occasionally encounter people who deliberately set out to destroy their faith in Christ, but such are extremely rare. More are simply careless; the quality of their relationships with children thoughtlessly failing adequately to express God's love.

The more children are exposed to relationships which bear the fruit of the Spirit; the more they learn to value and desire those features of relationships; the easier they will find it to enter into their own acknowledged relationship with the God. The less children's relationships bear these marks, particularly their relationships with Christians, the harder they will find it to apprehend God as personal and form a personal identification with him. The Spirit, working through the godly aspects of children's relationships to other individuals, reveals the sort of relationship God desires to forge with them, turning heard words into received Word. To fully understand, and adequately respond to, the God of the Bible, children must have ongoing occasion to meet his Spirit in the relationships they share.

Teaching has an important role in the transmission of faith, but faith is living in the Spirit of the Father, not knowing a set of doctrines. Nor is transmission of faith a matter of method or technique, which would make it a human activity dependent on skill, rather than a gift of God. One cannot transmit what one is not receiving and so the most important factor in transmission of faith is the adult's own experience of the Spirit at work. If we take the Word of Scripture seriously, this means openness to all God does. Faith transmission requires people of genuine spirituality so living their lives as to allow children to meet God's Spirit at work in an ongoing way, and to minimise their vulnerability to the work of spiritual evil. It is the work of Christian individuals and the Christian community and that work must encompass children's wider communities and world. We have the choice of being obstacle or companions, and Jesus takes our choice very seriously.

To: End Notes

Glenn Cupit is Senior Lecturer in Child Development at the University of South Australia and is currently working towards his doctorate on the implications for a Christian understanding of spiritual development for secular education systems. He is part of the Unley Uniting Church community and is married to Cecily. They have two adult children